Posted by
Brad Yeager on Tuesday, April 08, 2008 12:00:00 AM
Deny, deny, deny.
Most famously popularized by the 1967 movie A Guide for the Married Man and again reintroduced to the American culture in 2001 by a hit Brooks and Dunn ditty of the same name and heart, this expression captures the essence of what is wrong with us as a society today. Beginning in the Garden of Eden and happening at a rate of no less than half a million times per second around the world this very moment, we find ourselves exercising the ugly side of our very human nature. For once the elders’ laments of what we have lost can be silenced because this is not what we’ve become; this is who we’ve been. Since Adam and Eve first ate of the forbidden fruit, we have been saying in so many words, “It wasn’t me…” when called to account.
It’s been our way since Day One, and our true colors show as soon we learn to shake our heads “no.” Who hasn’t lived the scenario where you get busted by your mom or dad (heretofore known as Witness A and Witness B) but deny everything anyway? They could both witness it and both provide you with meticulous and identical details of it, and even though you knew this would not end well for you, you passed the buck or denied it completely. You may not have lied outright, but you spun it the best that you could. Somehow over the course of time, we go from feigning ignorance about how the entire toilet paper roll magically appeared in the toilet bowl to being famous for saying, “I did not have sex with that woman…” It is in us from birth, and it’s in our culture. It’s even a centerpiece of our court system.
“Deny, deny, deny” sums up the front half of the defense attorney’s playbook. Should you cause a vehicular accident, the first thing Counsel will tell you is to not admit to anything – at least not within earshot of witnesses. Should your business experience a mishap resulting in injury (even if the injured was negligent), Counsel will instruct you to remain as vague on details as possible until the necessary due diligence has taken place. Should your marriage fail, Counsel will have you deny the ex’s claims outright when possible and otherwise seek professional testimony in order to stake your claim to normalcy and moral superiority. Should you be accused of taking steroids during your Hall-of-Fame pitching career, Counsel will parade you in front of countless journalists and Congressmen to proclaim your innocence, endorse B-12 buttock injections, and overuse words like “misremember.”
And does anyone see the irony and grand hypocrisy of going before politicians to proclaim innocence? Spied on opposition leaders? Deny it. Sent weapons illegally to the Middle East? Act senile, and deny remembering any details. Caught committing adultery? Deny it at the risk of committing perjury. Caught with tens of thousands of mystery dollars in your icebox? Deny. Caught lying about your war hero credentials and the relevant history? Deny. Get busted while trying to pick up someone in an airport restroom? Deny.
The only time they admit to anything is if the pros outweigh the cons. Can the honesty buy a vote? Can the disclosure salvage any degree of something from the nothing gained through bad press and prosecution? Can the truth be parlayed into a radio gig or book deal worth more than 10 years of civil service?
How refreshing would it be if someone repentantly said, “I did it, and I was wrong,” and then gained nothing but self-respect and personal restoration? How far could we go as individuals and as a society if we would deny our natural tendencies to self preserve? How good would we feel about ourselves if we would deny our nature to blame (the incestuous kissing cousin of denial) everyone else for our own shortcomings and failings? How would things be different in our world if we would deny ourselves the comfort and ease that comes with settling into blame and denial and actually accept the challenge of change?
This is denial I can live with.